Convicts
Convicts
Good Trouble Here.
MIKE KIM

12 Gifts of
2020

2020 really cut the bullshit. In that spirit, let’s be real about something: CBD is weed’s clean-cut little brother. That being said, clean-cut little brothers are useful creatures. When you don’t want to go full send, perhaps? When you need to get work done, but want someone to relax with you? When you want to go to sleep, but not feel like you burned a load of pinecones in your head? That’s when you hang out with ‘little brother.’ Besides, he had a big year. Our favorite brand of his is Lord Jones.

Everyone seemed to get really horny for bread this spring. Which is, on the whole, a good thing. We at CONVICTS embrace any rejection of gluten-rejection acceptance. Moreover, making bread is so wholesome it hurts. The smell, the doughy feel, the overall warmth. It’s the most efficient way of bringing the best aspects of grandma to life in your kitchen. Our favorite bread baking appliance this year turned out to be from KitchenAid.

Real talk. This spring a bunch of the everyday humans we know and love rose to an occasion equivalent to anything we read about in the incomplete rah-rah-heroism of history class. The medical staff, the essential workers, the ones who we continue to undervalue are saving all of us. They did something that honestly can’t ever be repaid. Help them out this holiday season by donating to the Frontline Responders Fund. It’ll realistically be the most important gift you give.

Look, if you finally win the lottery or find that chest of buried treasure, donate your money to charity. Then buy an Audi AUDI E-TRON with whatever you’ve got left. This sleek electric car probably handles like a dream and automatically makes you sexier. But since your humble copywriter wasn’t allowed to drive any of the E-TRONs while we were shooting Electric Wave, we can’t say for sure. Classic mistake.

Honestly, in case you missed this, UFOs are real. You know everything is upside down when this fact gets overlooked. Imagine if that dropped in the 90s? We’d’ve been past Jupiter already. You should show the documentary The Phenomenon to anyone who is interested in things that restructure one’s entire understanding of their place in the universe.

It’s really about to be over. What the future holds, we know not. Wherever you are, whomever you’re podded up with, raise a toast to making it. Seriously. This year has been a trash fire on different levels for all of us. We’re closer as a planet because of this fucked up year. Raise some bubbly to being together, fire up Auld Lang Syne at midnight, and share a COVID-free kiss with your trusted loved ones.

We got you here. Stay festive,

GRINCHVICTS