Words by Cameron Higgins

An autoimmune disease that both breeds and feeds upon political slime is attacking The Swamp. The disease is called “self-interest” and its hungry for its own putrid flesh. Paul Manafort, the ostrich skin-clad tax-dodger caught eight charges on Tuesday. Michael Cohen, Trump’s former number one thug, just flipped on his boss in a dramatic way. If unlike us, you’ve maintained news-sobriety and don’t constantly like shooting-up garish developments like ourselves A) congratulations and B) here’s a rundown:


Manafort was charged with bank fraud, tax fraud, and failure to disclose a foreign bank account. Manafort is also a supremely shady character who built his career doing image makeovers on the world’s foremost despots.

Michael Cohen got the book thrown at him over various financial dealings. Read them in detail here. What’s most significant here is that Cohen admitted he broke campaign finance laws at the direction of an unnamed “candidate running for federal office” (wonder who that is?) who sought to hush-up various affairs for political purposes. There is an “unnamed co-conspirator” in these proceedings…which, to anyone with eyes and a brain, is obviously Trump. This means that Trump is already implicated in a federal crime. Moreover, Cohen’s about-face on Trump must be petrifying to the Oval Office: this dude’s job was to handle Trump’s dirty laundry. He knows where it’s all buried.

So in toto: if you surround yourself with self-serving scumsuckers, expect them to self-serve and suck scum, even when you’re the one who hired them. We’ve got to think Trump is eating an extra Big Mac tonight and quivering a bit, seeing as his former pals in grifting have a new enemy: their old boss.

Thus, the swamp turns on its king. What other bog holes and cesspools will be revealed before the drama’s done?