REAL NEWS THAT SHOULD BE FAKE: Ranking of the Mooch’s Best, Worst Quotes

Anthony Scaramucci, the White House Communications Director who served for a ten day stint, is a living firework of profanity. Likely, he was fired because he would outshine the President’s own ridiculousness. Which makes sense, because The Mooch is a poet of shit-talk. Despite the fact that he’s likely a terrible person, the Mooch’s ridiculousness is incredible. He’s not the President of the United States. When Trump says this stuff, there is the potential of real power backing up his words. The Mooch on the other hand, is a sideshow. Relatively speaking, he has little ability to harm the Republic.

That being said, it would be amazing if he became a full time political commentator. The Mooch’s unfiltered opinions are the stuff of vile genius.  

Here are the best, on the record quotes, from Anthony Scaramucci, ranked, in terms of their utter ridiculousness.

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock.”

Pure gold right here. This is by far the greatest thing that has ever come out of a White House Communications Director’s mouth.

“Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’”

In this quote, The Mooch is aping one of favorite enemies: Steve Bannon. Anytime the word “cockblock” gets used in reference to White House infighting, the American public are winning.

“Rancid Penis”

His nickname for Reince Priebus.  Can’t argue this point.

“But Bannon turns on me, because Bannon is ultimately railing against the swamp, but he’s actually a cock of the swamp.”

If you can’t tell, The Mooch hates Bannon.  Supposedly well-meaning commentators declared that The Mooch was talking about a ‘swamp rooster’ or some such bullshit.  Let’s be honest: Scaramucci was implying that Steve Bannon is the phallic manifestation of the corrupt cesspoll of Washington, that he is literally a slime covered, brain-eating-amoeba infected, leech-bearing human penis.  Again, can’t disagree here.

“I learned that the swamp is probably a gold-plated cesspool with no drain. You understand what I’m saying?

Nah?

“I want you to imagine the worst person that you’ve met on Wall Street, the most ruthless and the most diabolical. That’s the best person in Washington.”

Goddamn it Mooch. Quit telling the truth like this.

“Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,”

Again, this one might check out.

“I’ve done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves.”

You tell ‘em Mooch.

“What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President’s agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people,”

No the White House isn’t fascist at all, for sure.

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