Words by Cameron Higgins

Michael Cohen, Trump’s longtime fixer, lawyer, and all around thuggish-seeming lackey seems to be on the outs with his child-boss, the President of the United States.  Rumor has it that Cohen is ready to fully cooperate with Mueller’s investigation, which seems to be the result of Trump’s willingness to shit on his former golden boy. Before we go any further let’s be real: Cohen hasn’t flipped on his boss yet and Team Trump is likely in deep back channel negotiation with Cohen to keep him quiet.

And yet…

Trump has publicly rejected NATO, refused to enact sanctions against Russia, will have a closed door meeting with Putin, let Russian photographers into the White House, heeded the foreign strongman’s advice on how to handle North Korea, and made other concessions to the Russian state. All these factors make it damn near impossible to believe Trump is anything other than Putin’s geopolitical lapdog. By any realistic measure, he seems engaged in extremely high treason.


Trump is not the classic Manchurian Candidate. Instead of advanced mind-control technology, Trump is likely controlled by shady debts and potential kompromat related to piss-play with Russian escorts. Of course, everything remains murky, but as country folks say, “I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”

Perhaps, now, Michael Cohen is thinking the same thing. Cohen’s new lawyer, Lanny Davis, stated that Cohen made “a declaration of independence” from his former, loyalty-obsessed boss. Cohen himself explained that he puts “family and country first” and will not be “anyone’s punching bag.”

These are all very specific words.

“Declaration of independence” is overt. “Family and country is” subtler, but still loaded with language that would be right at home in a pamphlet advocating service to the United States. These signals, in short, sound like someone who may be undergoing a patriotic conversion.  Cohen’s move could very well be entirely self-interested. He may’ve realized that he’ll be in cooler waters if he cooperates with the Mueller investigation. Even if that’s so, Cohen flipping on Trump would be an actual example of self-interest serving social-interest.

Despite his past sketchiness, if Cohen indeed holds dirt that proves his former boss is in thrall to Putin and his anti-American interests, if he reveals what he knows to the public and thus ends the whoring out of American integrity, the degradation of the Presidency, the dissolution of our alliances, the graft and corruption of this administration, the soiled laundry list of ills that Team Trump has visited on the United States of America, Cohen would be one of the great redemption stories of all time. Cohen would go down in American history as a complicated American hero. He’d go down in legend as a human who failed morally in the past, then rose above and did the right thing for us all.

Seriously, if Trump is anything approximating a willing Russian agent, he would be the Big Mac of treason. Benedict Arnold would be small fries in comparison. Were Cohen to do right by his country in this dark hour, he would be a mortal who atoned, a flawed but ultimately redeemable American hero.

He has the power to help extricate our imperfect, yet still aspiring nation from its corrupt predicament. We’re rooting for him to do the right thing and help us all out of this mess. It wouldn’t quite be a Deepthroat but rather, a mortal who failed, atoned and did right by his country in a dark hour.