Winter is the season of day drinking and getting sick. Unfortunately, everyone from your mom to the medical community frowns on any combination of the two. But let’s be real: you’re in pain. Plus, you’re at home with nothing to do. Obviously, you don’t deserve to feel this way. So, break the rules a bit, treat yourself, and take the edge off your illness with one of CONVICTS cocktails for the infirm.

Note: We don’t advocate that you drink these when you’re sick. Or ever.

Mimergen-C

This is like a mimosa made with super-healthy Tang. Take a pint glass and fill it with champagne, then pour in a packet of orange Emergen-c. The bubbles settle your stomach, the vitamin-C healths you up, and the egregious amount of champagne gets your mind right.

Ny-Cap

Mix absinthe with Nyquil to make a devilishly green beverage night cap. Go to sleep, or start hallucinating. The choice is yours.

Pedia-Lit

This beverage is a lord amongst peasants. Pedialyte is for dehydrated toddlers. It re-hydrates you with something like ten zillion times the amount of electrolytes than Gatorade. Just add vodka to your pedialyte flavor of choice and pretend you’re the drunk baby landlord from that Will Ferrell skit.  

Muscle Milk Mudslide

An alcoholic milkshake for the bedridden. Splash some vodka into your chocolate Muscle Milk, or if you have the self-control a home bar requires, throw in some Kahlua. Protein for good health, liquor for good vibes.

Vinegar Backs

This is like an inverted pickleback. You alkalize yourself with a shot of apple cider vinegar, then follow it with a hard swig of dirty, plastic-bottle whiskey to drown out the hellish taste of apple cider vinegar.

Gin ‘n Green Juice

Gin tastes like christmas trees. Christmas trees are green. So is green juice. Self-explanatory.

Kom-Bomb-Cha

Like a saké-bomb, only you drop a shot of tequila in a glass of kombucha. Remember, tequila has probiotics in it too.