Words by Elizabeth Cuomo

A Dutch court has rejected one man’s perplexing request to legally change his age from 69 to 49. Emile Ratelband’s request stems from a belief that his age causes him to suffer when looking for employment, housing, but especially on Tinder. Yikes.

The case came under international scrutiny after Ratelband, a “positivity guru”, compared his experience to that of a transgendered person. On the BBC Morning News, Ratelband argued that, We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can’t I decide my own age?”

“When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car,” he said. “When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

So apparently that’s how it works. Let me reiterate: Yikes.

When trans rights activist Jane Fae met with Ratelband on the BBC Morning News, she replied that “When it comes to being transgendered it is not just an identity, it is a medical condition that has been understood for 50 years. What you’re actually trying to do is quite tasteless.”

Following the decision to reject the case, the court issued a press release explaining that Ratelband, “Is at liberty to feel 20 years younger than his real age and to act accordingly,” but, “Amending his date of birth would cause 20 years of records to vanish from the register of births, deaths, marriages and registered partnerships..this would have a variety of undesirable legal and societal implications”

“I am a young god, I can have all the girls that I want, but not after I tell them that I am 69,” he told AFP.

This one goes out to all the self-described “young gods” out there: Grow up